


Remembrance

by SunflowerBear



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Child Death, Depression, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memories, Trans Hank Anderson, Trans Male Character, past pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23050852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunflowerBear/pseuds/SunflowerBear
Summary: Once a year Hank falls into a pit of despair.
Relationships: Hank Anderson/Connor
Kudos: 24





	Remembrance

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fan fiction and English is my second language so there might be some errors, sorry in advance. I've always wanted a fic where Hank raised Cole himself so I tried to bring out that element a bit. I'm a bit shy to post it and I know some of my friends wouldn't approve of the fandom but I've felt such a strong kinship with Hank's character that I felt compelled to write about him.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it. <3

Some days it's just too much. His head hurts along with his heart. Fresh pain from a reopened wound, draining his power and dulling his emotions. A man, usually so filled with life, always ready to do his all, is suddenly weak. Weights have been placed over his limbs, hot lava runs behind his eyes, jagged knives are stabbing at his chest. Everything hurts, he can't move, he can't see, he can't think.

So Hank lays still in his bed.

Even when it's well past noon and he never clocked in for the day the house stays quiet. Most years he doesn't realize what day it is before it's about to end, when he remembers that he's not alone anymore and his friends and coworkers deliberately left him be. There's no noise coming from the living room where Connor would be watching TV, there's no St. Bernard snoring at the end of his bed and his phone seems to have been strategically left unplugged the night before.

He shifts under the covers and look over at his nightstand. After his eyes finally adjust he can see a glass of water and his daily meds. With strength he didn't knew he had he gently props himself up on one arm and grab the pills with his other. He's about to swallow them dry but decides against it. Connor would notice. So he picks up the glass. The water is fairly warm with some condensation showing that it's probably been here for a while. He pops the pills into his mouth and sips slowly. Drops of water run over his fingers and he thoughtlessly wipes his hand on the comforter when he's done.

He lies back down. His legs still feel like lead and the burning behind his eyes hasn't stopped. He breathes slowly a few times before his breath finally hitches. Dark hands run over his body, making him shiver, further spreading the cold numbness from his heart throughout his entire body. His lip quivers, he takes a few hasty breaths. Eyes barely stinging before tears start running down the sides of his face. He can't move his arms so he places his head square on the pillow and stares at the ceiling. The tears keep coming and he has to move his head again, lay it on its side as to not let the salty liquid reach his ears.

He looks to the other side of the bed now. Empty. He doesn't think he could handle being near anyone right now. He glances at the door. It's closed, but he gets a feeling that Connor has been in here a few times already to check on him while he's been out of it. He's grateful Connor's keeping his distance. The first year of them living together Connor went manic, frantically calling his friends for help when Hank wouldn't respond. After the incident it had taken a bit of work and a lot of talking until they could find a mutual ground and put up some ground rules for this annual occurrence. It took a while to convince Connor that he would be alright on his own, and now Connor leaves him alone.

He smiles at the thought of Connor, at how patient and supportive he's been. At how much he's grown to love the android over the years. The tears are still wet on Hank's face, but the burning behind his eyes has gone away. He wipes his eyes with his forearm, no longer feeling as heavy.

But the pitch black feelings are still there. They will probably stay there, draining his powers until he faces them head on. He lets his mind drift back into the darkness, past those initial all-consuming feelings and into the painful memories. He remembers the week leading up to the accident. He remembers the little disagreement he had with Cole just hours before it happened that somehow has warped into a full blown fight over the years. He barely remembers what they had talked about before his memory changed into something a lot more bitter, unforgiving, punishing. If he had just been a better father.

No, that's not right. Connor had helped Hank with this. What happened to Cole wasn't his fault. Nothing he said had anything to do with the accident. He's not going to let the darkness stop him, get too strong of a hold of him.

Hank keeps going, keeps remembering. The short time he had with his son before he was taken away from him. The many memories they had built together. He remember Cole's sixth birthday, the year Hank had given him a brand new stick. The old one had seen it's fair share of games and had started to look a bit shabby so he pulled some money together to give his son something that would last. Cole had been so happy, hugging him and immediately begging him to take them to the rink to try it out. It had been a great day, just Hank and Cole spending some time together playing one-on-one's until late afternoon.

He remembers Cole's fifth birthday, The day of the local hockey team sign-ups. After a quick breakfast on bed he and Cole packed their bags and headed off for the sports center. There had been a sudden drop in temperature overnight and he remember hurrying to scrape the ice of his windshield. They made it to the rink just in time and he watched Cole as he tied on his skates and made his way onto the ice. It was a cakewalk for the kid and the others accepted him with open arms, excitedly asking him if he'd been in any games previously.

Cole's fourth birthday had been a little underwhelming with Hank having to work all day but Cole seemed excited about celebrating with his friends, even if it meant he'd have to wait until after kindergarten to get his present. After pickup they went to see a movie on the big screen, Cole's first, and he remembered how the kid fell asleep just ten minutes in. He didn't have the heart to wake him after the day's excitement but Cole's pouting left way for a happy grin when Hank offered to buy some more popcorn to eat on the way home.

The year before they threw a party, Hank invited his friends from work, the neighbors and some of the parents he had a chance to talk to at Kindergarten. They all enjoyed some store-bought cake, talked and put on Cole's favorite movie for the toddlers to watch. He remember Fowler telling him how much Cole would enjoy watching a movie at the cinema if he was anything like Hank was with his love for vintage technology. Hank agreed that it was a nice idea.

Cole's second birthday had been quiet with just the two of them. Hank had made a simple but fairly cute-looking cake and watched as Cole ate his slice without any help. He'd grown so big already and Hank felt so proud.

Although none of his memories shined as bright as Cole's first birthday. Hank could barely believe it had been a year, Cole had been around for 12 months and he had already filled Hank's heart and mind so much so that he felt like an entirely different person. He could barely believe that this little surprise of a baby had managed to flip his life upside down and then neatly right side up again so easily. Some days he wondered if his parents would have been proud, were they still in his life. He gently fed Cole his very first birthday cake and watched his son smile, laugh and coo as he showed him his new presents. All Hand-picked by both Hank and his friends at the precinct. They had all been so supportive even during Hank's leave and he was excited to send them the birthday photos later.

Hank lets his hand drift under the covers and settle on his scar.

Cole's birth had been difficult for Hank, but easy all things considered. The days leading up to the C-Section had him feeling anxious. Constantly questioning himself and his choices. It didn't help that he'd been more uncomfortable than ever in his life. Though he had already spent some time with friends during the later months of the pregnancy he still felt embarrassed about the way he looked and preferred to just be left alone where he didn't have to stress about other's opinions of him. He still had Ben and Fowler on standby if anything unexpected were to happen, but the baby was surprisingly punctual, something Hank always had trouble with, and arrived safely on his due date much to Hank's relief. The moment the anesthesia wore off and he got to hold his son all he felt was happiness.

The scar was one he wouldn't show off to just anyone but was proud to wear. It was a bitter reminder of the bright days with Cole he could never get back but it also gave him comfort. It was proof that Cole had been here, that he was once part of him, that he could never be forgotten no matter how much Hank's life would twist and turn. For as long as he lived he would remember.

The light scratching of door against carpet brings Hank back to the present. He gives Connor as much of a smile as he can muster and beckons him over. Connor lights up and gently climbs onto his side of the bed.

"How do you feel?" Connor looks Hank over, no doubt seeing the placement of his right hand, Connor's own fingers twitch for a moment, but he stays still.

"I've been better." Hank huffs and reaches out his free hand for Connor who lovingly intertwines it with his own.

"Would you like something to eat? We could watch TV after." He gives his hand a squeeze.

"Sounds good." Hank feels like he's ready to get up. "What did you make?"

"I prepared a healthy vegetable and salmon dish." Hank slumps back against his pillow with a sigh, "But I also made some of your favorite ice cream for dessert." Connor smiles.

"You're the best Connor, you know that?" Hank sits up and carefully bring their hands to his chest. "Thank you."

"No problem at all, Hank. Now let's eat before the food goes cold."

Connor smiles again and gets off the bed, waiting for Hank to follow and they both make their way out of the dark.


End file.
